now i’m grown and all alone and wishin i was with you tonight. cause i can guarantee, things are sweeter in tennessee.

Memphis, Tennessee is where I’m writing this post from, on a stormy Thursday night.  It’s 7:17 pm CT and I’m cozied up under the bedsheets in my hotel room with absolutely no shame at all.  The thunder keeps pounding away, making excuses for me why I’m in here and now exploring the sites of Beale Street.  Honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way right now.  In a way I’m happy to be here, out of Chicago, so I can be out of my routine and simply focus on relaxing (that is when I’m not exhibiting at the conference I’m here for).

Upon receiving my lunch and dinner (linner?  or lunner?)- I missed lunch due to my exhibit- the room service tenant informed me that they’re on call 24 hours.  Yes ma’am, I’ll be calling you again in a few hours.  I ate about 2 hours again and I’m already having empty stomach growls.

Today was fine.  Nothing too exciting happened today, well, I did ride the plan with the players of the Iowa Cubs (Minor League Baseball Team)…and yes, there were some lookers in the group.  I’m fine with being here, and fine with even having to work on a Saturday.

You may be wondering why, so let me tell you…

I’ve opened up a lot lately about how I’ve been feeling: the confusion, the reminiscence, the searching (for many things), the loneliness, the doubts, the sadness, the anxiety, etc.  I’ve said it and I’ll probably say it again, and again.  All of these feelings come and go (in terms of intensity) in spurts, but they are consistently there.  Sometimes I just do a better job at hiding them and/or not voicing them so much on my Facebook status (usually in quotes or lyrics) or on here, for you beloved readers to deal with.  (Thank you!)

Anyways, my point, and I do have one, is this.  Every thought, every feeling is necessary in a way because it is helping to guide me along my way.  I did make the choice to move to Chicago and to accept the job.  Sure I can list at least ten reasons why I felt like I had to take it, and if put in that position again I would still make the same choice.  This job, as miserable as it is for me right now (and has been for the majority of my time), has provided me with opportunities that I truly appreciate- such as this 3-day trip to Memphis.  I mean I’m in Tennessee!  Sure, I’ve been confined to a hotel room for the past few hours, due to storms, but I am here.  I’m in another state that I’d never been to, checking out the scene, and seeing if it could be the place for me.  (It’s not.)  But I am grateful for the opportunity to see it and decide that for myself.

Four years ago I was a lost soul who had no idea where she would be in  a few months, let alone a few years.  But here I am, today in Memphis, Tennessee…and I’m doing okay.  Sure, it’s not perfect.  Maybe it never will be.  But I’ll do what I can to get by, and in the mean time, I’m learning to jump at the opportunities I’m offered by trusting my heart and follow my instincts.

Each adventure has given me something, whether I realize it at that time or later on.  This weekend in Memphis, I will take something back with me that I wouldn’t have gotten from not being here.  Whether it’s  a new friend or a lesson to be learned, each day provides us with a chance to grow and better ourselves.  Four years ago, as a confused and anxiety-ridden 22-year old, I didn’t see it this way, but what’s important is that I see it now…and will see it this way for the rest of my life.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The title of this post is lyrics from Tennessee by The Wreckers.

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