you once told me, our fingerprints don’t fade from the lives we touch. is that true for everybody, or is it just poetic bullshit?

Women and elephants never forget.

Dorothy Parker

Another night, another dream about the past.  I hold Facebook responsible for placing old friends and memories into my subconscious mind.  From what I can recall, last night’s dream was centered around a high school basketball game where many of my former teammates were present.  Come to think of it, within this dream was another memory from all the way back from a fourth grade basketball game.  Seriously, who remembers this kind of stuff?

After waking up this morning, I laid in bed for twenty minutes, attempting to fall back asleep, and my reminiscent mind was flying around in all kinds of directions.  While part of me enjoyed thinking about these memories, truth be told, it’s also kind of painful.  My friend, Matt (MT), used to tell me that I was running away.  At the time I couldn’t see it this way, but now I know that he was absolutely right.

I just watched the trailer for Eat.Pray.Love. , starring Julia Roberts (based on a true story and novel by Elizabeth Gilbert).  In the trailer the mother of the female lead character (Julia Roberts) says to her: “Oh my baby,  always searching for something.” 

Was she talking to me?

Anyways while my journey and life experience are different from hers, I easily see myself in her respective scenarios.  It was hard to watch. While soul-searching is meant to bring (eventual) inner peace, serenity, assurance, and confidence, there is a long, exhausting process that one must go through to achieve such beauty.  And when it all comes together, it is beautiful.  It’s what keeps us going on the cold, rainy days.  We know that there are better days to come, and we’ll appreciate them more because of the ones before.

The title of this blog struck me as fitting after choosing to write about this morning’s occurrence.   (It’s a quote from the movie, Remember Me, which I’ve yet to see and hope it doesn’t disappoint.)  While I found myself thinking about people from my past, I also inevitably wondered, have my fingerprints completely faded from others’ lives that I once touched? Do people think of me (every now and then) the way I think of them?  And if so, how do they perceive me?

That’s the thing about Facebook that I really find daunting.  You’re ‘friends’ with these people from your past, but how well do you really know one another years after the high school ‘friendship’ or ‘acquaintances’ runs its course?  Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to see a former classmate get engaged/married or become a mother/father.  And I love catching up with an older friend over a few messages.  However, with me being in Chicago and away from the Hampton social scene for 7-8 years now, that’s really where it ends.  So other than Facebook status updates, Happy Birthday postings, and an occasion message here and there, how can we really still call these people from our past ‘friends’?

In this never-ending  search that I seem to be on, I cannot help also wonder how others see me.  For the most part I’ve learned to not care what other people think of me, but I am human so of course there are occasions every now and then.  But it’s not the typical judgments and characterizing that I’m talking about, but rather what impact do I have one the lives of others? And maybe I should rephrase that because I don’t just mean my (real) friends and family members per say.  But those acquaintance/friends that don’t really know you, and the people that you come across once in a blue moon.

Did my simple smile brighten the worst day of their life?  Did I compliment their outfit and it just so happened to erase their “I feel fat in this” mentality?  Did I talk with a little kid at the store and it made him feel like the most important person in the world?

It’s these little moments that make me who I am and brighten me day as well.  Those barista/friends of mine constantly heighten my mood with their chit-chat, and I still remember Bradley who complimented my ‘cutest rainboots ever’.  These simple gestures stay with you longer than you could ever expect.  I mean here I am on Saturday night writing a post about these people, and they don’t even know it.

Do you ever wonder why you remember certain insignificant moments (or so they seem to be at the time)?  And why sometimes you forget the big, highly anticipated endeavors?

And let’s blame this on the glass of wine sitting next to me, but have my fingerprints faded from the lives that I may have once touched?  I, myself, find that I commonly hold on to memories that I wish I could go back and change…(cough) Casey (cough) being the main one.  Why don’t his fingerprints ever seem to fade?  Will they ever?  And better questions, have my fingerprints completely faded from him?

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.

Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it.


Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia)

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14 thoughts on “you once told me, our fingerprints don’t fade from the lives we touch. is that true for everybody, or is it just poetic bullshit?

    1. Hi Bridgette! Welcome to my world…I mean blog. This is one of my favorite posts as it captured a few raw, honest moment for me. I re-read it every now and when I feel the need, and I’m so happy it touched you.

  1. while reading, I felt like talking to my alter ego, I could say. I don’t find myself doing things like this- I mean posting comments, but these thoughts of yours really express what I feel…yeah…we should definitely keep searching for …what and who we really are….

    1. Alexa, I’m so appreciative of your comment! As a blogger, let me say that it’s so nice to read others’ comments. Hope you continue to do so.

      This post was very special to me, and to be honest, I’m not quite sure what exactly inspired me, as it was a few months again. I’m so glad that it spoke to you. Check out some of my other posts that may help express what you’re feeling. Sometimes others’ say the words for us and we’re comforted by knowing that we are not the only one.

  2. i read this like 3 months ago, and i felt the same like you, i’m from argrntina…kinda the other side of the world from you and i can’t believe that in the other side of the “world” there’s someone with those same fears and wonders..i also watched eat pray love because of you..
    sometimes when i’m blue i came here, don’t know why.
    thanks you for this…
    xoxox
    sol.

    1. I’m not sure I really have the words to express how much that means to me. With all sincerity from the bottom of my heart, on the other side of the word, I say “THANK YOU”. I hope you loved the message of Eat. Pray. Love. as much as I do. If you send me your address, I’ll send you the novel because I think that it’s better than the movie- but how gorgeous were those countries! I’ve also been directed to read Three Cup of Tea by Greg Mortensen.

      Keep reading. We’ll get through this stuff together.

      XOXO

      PS. You truly inspired me today.
      Kristen

  3. hello! It’s been a while, right? I am a mess, for that reazon I didn’t realice that you answer me back! It’s rainning here, so I was looking for a warm place, and here I am again. Thanks for your words too! sometimes when I admire someone and I try to be in touch with them, they don’t really care, but it’s diferent with you..
    this is my e-mail : c.s.toor@hotmail.com

    1. Hi!! It was so nice to hear from you again. While it hurts me to know that you’re feeling like a mess; it means a lot to me that you come here for comfort. I’ll let you in on a little secret: I, too, come back to my blog and re-read past posts to provide me with warmth and encouragement.

      If you ever need anything, you knew where to find me. I promise you can always count on me to care. 🙂

      Feel better!

  4. hello there! sometimes I want to put words to my feelings, but I just can’t. It is really frustrating. I’m still dealing with that, the good thing is that you inspired me somehow, with the things you said, with the things you write.
    Thanks you so much for taking you time to write me back.
    You know, it feels so great to find someone who makes the difference.
    keep writting, I’ll keep reading!
    xoxox

  5. Hey guys! i was just “cleaning” my bookmarks and i found this..and i read what you have written…and as i said, what i read, sort of remembers of ..myslef 🙂 i guess the world is not so big after all, right?
    i have seen the movie “eat pray love” sometime in October last year and really enjoyed it! now, i’m almost finishing the book (i started later, not last year :D) and i agree that the book is much better than the movie!
    And now, because my life has changed pretty much since my last post, i’m even experiencing a bit of this story, being now in Italy.:) which is, as described by Elizabeth…
    anyway, what i realize these days is, that wherever you are, even if you imagine that in some other place in this world your problems would be solved, more or less, or would be smaller, you’re wrong…because i have here, the same problems that i had home…so, it’s important to make peace with yourself wherever your are, as the “problems” follow you wherever you’ll go…this is so far my lesson…
    whenever i succed in doing this, i’ll tell you how 🙂
    if you have any piece of advice of how to do it, please share it with me, because you seem to have inspiring ideas and you seem both to be speaking my language, in the sense of thinking, feeling, like i do, so maybe your ways, your methods, could be helpful 🙂

    Alexa

  6. New here…very touched by this blog entry. 🙂

    …and no, our fingerprints don’t fade from the lives we touch. Tyler’s brother (in the movie) had that correct. If you haven’t seen the movie yet – watch it. It is beautiful, funny, sad, and powerful. It is very, very human.

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