june series: it is always the simple things that change our lives. and these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen.

As mentioned in Tuesday’s post, I am going to divulge the details from my past, well since graduating high school, up until this point. This June marks my 4th anniversary as an Ohio U alum, and therefore I feel the need to look back on all of my Junes, beginning with June 2002- when I graduated from my alma mater, Hampton High School.
This graphic is perfect for a few reasons.  For one, June 2003 began my little coffee addiction- however, oddly enough I started off on decaf since I was on the Atkins Diet with my mom.  (No real relevance in expanding on that, so moving on.)  Secondly, the quote- things fall apart so that other things can fall together– well that simply sums up June 2003 for me, but at the time I was a hot mess of emotions as I tried to balance the old with the new.  It was the first time in awhile that I began really questioning who I was.  Yes, I need to rewind.

So in my last post I mentioned that in June 2002 I was a recent high school graduate and enjoying my summer before beginning my freshman year at Kent State University.  What I failed to mention is that I was heading to Kent with 3 other good guy friends of mine.  Now don’t get me wrong, I had a good time during my freshman year; however, Kent just wasn’t the school for me.  I questioned it a few times after hearing from other high school friends how A.MAY.ZING. college was (for them) and I just couldn’t understand why…until I ventured to Penn State to visit Sean and Mercyhurst for a Halloween weekend with Brooks.  Yes, that problem solved.  Kent just wasn’t the right school for me, but like I said, no regrets especially because I probably would have never met Julie. 

Sidenote: Sadly, and I’m almost embarrassed to admit this, but I remember listening to this song (on Friday nights) in my dorm room.  Ironically this song is actually quite foreshadowing of the coming year and my new beginning at OU.  John Mayer- Love Song for No One I guess even back then I knew that there was something else out there for me.  (Angelo must have been right.)

I decided to take a chance and apply to OU again and particularly the Scripps School of Journalism.  I made the decision that I would go to OU if I was accepted, and keep the door cracked open if I wasn’t.  To make a long story short, my mom and I toured OU over spring break; I fell in love with the campus (as anyone would); I got rejected from Scripps; I decided to transfer to OU.  And the rest, folks, is history.

Okay, back to June 2003 and where I was going with the line in the graphic.  After packing my bags and saying goodbye to Kent, I headed home for another summer in Pittsburgh with high expectations that it would be even more amazing as the one before.  It started ou that way as I worked many hours at the Pool Snack Shack and hung out with my high school friends; however, the tides unexpectantly…and I’ll take the blame.  It was an example of the age-old questions, Can guys and girls be ‘just friends’? (Blog Post from 5.4.2010.)  Now I’ll say it again, I have always been friends with guys and at this time in my life, most of the people that I hung out with were guys.  It was a time in my life where I was drifting away from high school friends, and looking back I only wish I realized this back then to stop it.

Now I am an advocate for friendships with the other gender, but I also learned to be cautious as well.

For instance, I am not sugar-coating it when I say that I am the girl whose guy friends fall for her. It happened when I was younger, but it really took off in the latter years of high school.  They liked me, but I never saw them that way.  So one-by-one my guy friends admitted their feelings for me (drunk and sober), and unfortunately the last one (a close friend and fellow Kent Stater) was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  I freaked out.  I acted so immature and lost a good group of friends because of it.  I just couldn’t keep leading my guy friends on, so instead of handling it (that way I wish I did), I ran away…from it all.

I was ready for a change.  I was ready to go to OU and begin a new life.  Put the past officially behind me and start fresh.  Above all, I wanted to make new friends.  Best friends.  Friends that I could trust with my (new) life, and have fun with.  They say in college you meet your bridesmaids, and that was definitely what I was hoping for.

I made an executive decision to not become good friends with any guys.  Only girl friends for me.  That may sound foolish, and of course it does to me 7 years later, but at the time I just didn’t want to find myself in the same situation all over again.  I just wanted to have friends, have fun, live freely, avoid drama…maybe take part in a few makeout sessions with some cute Ohio boys.

Check on all of the above.  However, life threw a curveball at me and Miss Independent fell in love for the first time.

Knowing what I know now, if I could go back to June 2003 everything would be so different.  But while life is full of second chances, this kind isn’t possible.  Seven years ago is when this little adventure that I’ve been on really began.  Once I broke out of the bubble, a part of me realized that I’d never (permanently) be back.  I told that to my friend, Matt (MT) today, even going as far as to say that I almost wish that I never went to OU because like would probably be a lot simpler.  Would I have ever left Pittsburgh?

Would I have even fallen in love…and had my heart broken by now?


2 thoughts on “june series: it is always the simple things that change our lives. and these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen.

  1. ah, don’t say things like “i wish i’d never [done whatever thing that led to a painful situation].” i used to think that about the college i went to for a year as well. had i never gone to that school, i wouldn’t have met the boy i’m separated from, staring down divorce before age 30. but y’know, that decision brought me to where i am, and there’s a fair amount in my life that’s sweeter than i ever could’ve imagined. i’m not one of those everything happens for a reason types, and i don’t think people who suffer are automatically endowed with some special knowledge that’s sacred and vital. but i think the scars that suffering, weirdness, etc. leave do have value, if you know how to harness it. that’s the tough part. but since it happened already, you can take what’s happened and run with it. one foot in front of the other. baby steps.

    1. I know. It was just a weak, honest moment with a close friend during a crappy week. i agree with everything you said. I have learned so much and grown in ways I never knew possible, so I find it hard to have any regrets. Like you said, I am where I am today & who I am today because of the decisions I’ve made; the roads I’ve taken; and the people that have come into my life.

      Thanks so much for all of your insight.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s