to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

I sent this card to my Pap about two years ago when my Grandma was unexpectantly put in the hospital for a few days.  Unfortunately my Pap passed away last summer on July 29th, but seeing this graphic today reminds me of the day I sent this to him.  I love this card.  I’ve sent it to a few people over the years, and now, I’m kind of sending it to myself by posting it on here.  So what color should I paint myself?  Anything but blue will do.  So yes, my funk continued last night and still into this dreary, rainy day.  But as everyone’s Facebook statuses reminded me, it’s Friday or as Darlene appropriately calls it, FRI-YAY! 

My friend, Jen, and her husband, Matt, are coming into town for a sleepover tonight, I think it is best to break-up with this funk.  I think I finally figured out what’s causing this one, but it may require me to think this through before saying my farewell. 

So if you’ve been following my blog for awhile now then you know that I have a bit of relationship/wedding/baby fever with the past few weeks being filled with new babies, bridal showers, and Bachelorette parties.  And for all of you new followers, none of these directly pertain to me.  I play the roles of ‘aunt’ and always a bridesmaid in these storylines.  With it now apparently being May, which was drawn to my attention by the Cinco de Mayo festivities on Wednesday evening, the weddings are beginning to actually happen.  Next weekend is Kristin and Jim’s wedding in Columbus immediately followed by Julie and Ken’s wedding in Cleveland the next weekend.  (First photo is Kristen & Jim and second is Julie and Ken.)

Both Kristin and Julie are wonderful friends of mine, and lucky for me I have become friends with their fiancees/ future husbands too.  I cannot wait to see  my girls looking gorgeous and happy in their wedding gowns, but I also cannot wait to see the looks on Jim’s and Ken’s faces when they first see their brides.  This makes me think of 27 Dresses.  Now I went to include just one the quotes, but chose instead to share both of them.  Gotta love the difference between how men and women see things.

Jane (Katherine Heigle): You know how the bride makes her entrance and everybody turns to look at her? That’s when I look at the groom. Cause his face says it all you know? The pure love there.

Kevin (James Marsden): When the bride comes in and she makes her giant grand entrance, I like to glance back at the poor bastard getting married. Cause even though I think he’s an idiot for willingly entering into the last legal form of slavery, he always looks really, really happy.

I know, I know… this is from movieland, but in a weird way these (real) moments like this that give me hope and remind me that there are good ones out there

Okay back to my funk and the inevitable break-up needs to happen sooner than later.  After a busy day of running around at work, I knew that my daily workout wasn’t going to happen.  After cleaning a bit for my guests, I gave into the temptation and headed to bed with Season 6 of Sex and the City.  For some reason I wanted to watch the last few episodes of the series in which Carrie is in Paris with the Russian (ick).  I know I’ve seen these episodes before, but I’m assuming that it’s been at least a year because I saw Carrie’s decision to move; her friends’ reaction, support, and dismay; Carrie’s struggle; and Big’s inevitable decision to get her back all so differently.  Why?  Well as we all know, we tend to interpret things based on our own experiences.  Now I may have not moved to Paris with a Russian artist, or any guy in another city for that matter, I know what it’s like to leave your comfort  zone to embark on a new city, new adventure.  And as Carrie witnessed herself, it’s through these experiences and struggles that we learn what we want/don’t want and sometimes find what we didn’t even know we were looking for.  While some many find love or new friends, it all ends up being that we ultimately find ourself.

Over brunch on Sunday, Stef said it perfectly.  “Everyone else seems to be having these wonderful things happen to them- new jobs, engagements, weddings, babies- I just wish it was my turn.”  My response to Stef was that people think we (she and I) are living this glorious life because we’re in Chicago; however, we are the ones that know the reality of it.  I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but big city of lights does not always mean instant happiness.  In fact, I remember Phill telling me how NYC is one of the lonely places, which is so ironic because of the large amount of people it hosts.  Well, after living here for 18 months I can say that Chicago falls into that category as well.  Afterall, it’s not the place but the people that make a city so A.MAY.ZING.  I mean Athens, OH (home to my alma mater, Ohio University) is the perfect example. 

But going back to Stef’s comment/question…I think the same thing and so do a lot of other girls, so you’re definitely not the only one.  We could spend many brunches talking about this- and probably will.  I mean it’s the inevitable question: Why don’t good things (like love) happen to good people?

So what does all of this have to do with me and my soon-to-be-ex-funk?  Well I think it goes back to the relationship/wedding/baby fever I’ve been experiencing and how with the weddings beginning in a week, I find myself with the single girl at the wedding syndrome.  Does anyone feel that they fall vicitm wedding/relationship/baby fever during the springtime? I honestly don’t even recall being this bad (which isn’t even really that bad, but for me it is) until engagements, weddings, and  babies bit my circle of friends.  It’s just be unavoidable for me…and causing me to wonder ‘what if…’ more times than I’d like to admit. 

What if I had a boyfriend? 

What if I was engaged? 

What if it was my wedding everyone was going to? 

What if I got pregnant? 

The funny thing is that I don’t even know if I want a boyfriend right now, let alone a fiancee, husband, or baby!  Seriously.  Life really f***s with your mind sometimes, doesn’t it?

So is this enough evidence to support this funk of mine?  And I have I given it an adequate amount of attention to let it go?  I hope so.  But I have a feeling that the bug may be back…I don’t know, let’s say next weekend and the following weekend, and maybe again around June 19th.  No matter what, seeing my friends happily marrying the loves of their lives is worth any kind of fever and bug bite . 

So in sticking to the whole Carrie Bradshaw in Paris theme that was thrown in here, I say Au Revoir to you, my funk. 

PS. As I’ve acknowledged, I find that (my) life is always better with a crush.  However, I think it’s best for me to give up on this little crush I currently harbor(ed).  With my relationship/wedding/baby fever, and knowing me, I just think it’s better to say Adieu to you too. 

Anyways, I think it’s time that I have a crush on no one but  myself for awhile.


4 thoughts on “to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

  1. I often have felt like the train was passing me by and I was left standing on the platform! Love does happen to good people. And when the right time and the right person collide … it will be wonderful.

    1. You’re absolutely right and I look forward to it- when I’m ready and this poor, unfortunate guy is ready for me. Lol. Actually he has no idea how good he’s going to have it.

  2. You said what I’ve been too ashamed to say (blog-wise). Ugh, it makes me feel like an angsty teenager when I talk about this lonely, me-myself-and-I feeling I get when I’m at attendance for my friends wedding showers, baby showers, etc. When my bestfriends boyfriend approached me to ask for my help in choosing an engagement ring, I was ecstatic. Looking at my friends, I feel like I have some catching up to do.

    I try to remedy this feeling, but I don’t think there is a good one. The closest distraction I’ve found is immerse myself in work – but then I never have time to give romance a chance. Oh catch-22’s what will I ever do with you.

    1. Tiffany, thank you for your comment. I’ll admit that I was reluctant to post on this topic too, but it’s seeing your comments and hearing about your similar experience that make me glad I did. I see blogs as the perfect way to help yourself (it’s like therapy) and also helping others. Just remember, you are not the only one feeling this way. I think this post caught me at one of my very honest and open moments, and while I’m a tidbit embarrassed (?), I’m learning that it’s good to open up about this stuff. So for you, write!!

      As my dear friend Darlene implied, it’s hard not to wonder ‘when is it my turn’? My own advice to myself is to keep believing in love. I think great things happen when you least expect them. And additionally, I know how much growing up I’ve done over the years and I constantly remind myself that when I’m ready it will happen. I’m like you in amercing myself in work and other things, but I think that when the right romance enters your life you’ll know it is time to give it a chance. Good luck!

      PS. Love that last line- “Oh catch-22’s what will I ever do with you.”

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