I received a text from my friend, Mike, this morning after his date with (another friend of mine) Rachel last night. His text read: Haven’t liked a girl this much in a long time. Kinda freaked out by it. Some background on Mike is that he is a great guy, but definitely full of insecurities especially resulting from a bad break-up back in college. Since then Mike has battled his own demons and finally feels like he’s getting his act back together. He’ll make a great boyfriend when the time comes, and I hope that it is to Rachel, but I also know that (as my mom wisely told me years ago) you need to love yourself first. As I’ve said on posts before, it took me a long time to realize the accuracy in that statement and years of not loving myself to one day understand its importance.
In my text reply to Mike, I said, “Don’t be. I am going through the same thing with a guy right now so I understand. I keep telling myself that I deserve it. And the same goes for you.”
Once you get your heart broken, you’re never the same again. However we all make the mistake of dwelling in the past believing that our life is over (at least for a little while). It’s not. Instead each heartbreak is just the beginning of a new chapter in our life. Again, it took my a very, very long time to see this for myself, but the important thing is that I do now. Change is inevitable, and unfortunately heartbreak happens even when we try and protect ourselves. Letting yourself love again is a difficult task, for some (maybe most), but the truth is, great love and great achievements involve great risk.
I think we can all agree that L.O.V.E. is worth the risk, but heartbreak messes with your head to much to let you jump in (again) effortlessly. Instead of your head saying, “You deserve to be happy,” you hear “You will get hurt again. You’re not good enough. You’re not worthy of being happy.” Ignore it. YOU ARE.
This is one of my favorite songs that I forgot about for a few months. After my dad introduced it on one of our road trips during a time of heartbreak (over Casey, of course) and I listened to it over and over again after feeling comforted by the lyrics. Sheryl Crow- I Shall Believe & Lyrics. My hope is that Mike can realize in himself that he deserves a great girl like Rachel, whether or not it works out between them.
Adriana and I have talked a lot about scars and broken hearts- the good, the bad, and the ugly. After suffering from her own broken heart, (asshole), she has proven that she’s a WARRIOR and allowed herself to love again. (Shoutout to her bf, P.Doug.) Now people have the misconception that being in a relationship is always easy and blissful. Minus the ‘always’, this statement is still mostly false. A, having the previously-broken heart curse working against her, is proof that even new, unbelievably joyful LOVE is not always perfect. Much to our dismay the voices of heartbreak and doubts doesn’t always disappear when love re-enters our life. But we have the power to tune it out, and as always, a little help from our friends is a must as well.
Actually, here’s a little story for you. So a few weeks ago Adriana was having a rough day and doubting her and P.Doug’s relationship/his feelings (I cannot even remember why right now.) So, me being me, had a just-in-case-something-like-this-even-happens plan in mind. Back in February she sent me a photo text of a picture of beignets saying- He made me beignets!! Knowing that she needed ‘evidence’ of his love and adoration for her, I forwarded her the text I saved (picture included). See, girls (especially who shared the broken heart experience) always know what other girls need. Boys just don’t understand.
We all need a reminder of people’s feelings- verbal, physical, etc.- every now and then. And whether or not you have a significant other or new prospect, sometimes you just need your friends to boost your confidence, trump your insecurities, and remind you how special you are. And always, always, always say that girl/guy is lucky to have you and crazy if they don’t realize that!