still the same, but different

Remember that Kelly Clarkson song, Miss Independent, or am I the only one?  I’m probably the only one.  Anyways, so I heard another song of hers this evening and (the wine, most likely) made me think about this song that was popular the summer before I went to Ohio (2003).  Why do I remember this?  Because the one may as well been written about me.  Miss Independent.  That’s exactly who I was in the summer of 2003…

…and then she fell in love.

Since then I have struggled to figure out who I am and what my destiny is.  For years I thought that it was one thing, and I waited years for that to happen.  Unfortunately it never did.  But now I sit here and I cannot help but wonder if I’m still Miss Independent now- and always will be.  I mean as much as I’ve been through and everything that I’ve learned, am I still the same (but just a little different)? 

Have you ever felt as though you traveled all around the world (metaphorically speaking), learning more than you could possibly imagine about yourself, but still somehow end up in the same place (personally)?  While I could blame it on the wine, I know that this is just something that the wine allowed me to open up about.  I know that, especially for a woman, that independence is a noteworthy characteristic…one that I’m honored to hold.  But is there such a thing as being too independent?  I just feel like I’m ready to tone it down a bit, maybe for once let myself depend on another.  I mean I even had a hard time excepting a free drink from one of my gay Starbucks’ boyfriends today.  (I know, A.MAY.ZING. right.  I adore them, even without the free perks- pun intended.)

You know, this past week has been fairly funky for me, which is unfortunate since I had such an A.MAY.ZING. time in Columbus.  I was watching last week’s episode of Private Practice, and Addison is told by another character that “it’s time to grow up.”  Maybe that’s what I need to do.  Grow up.  Allow myself to officially become an adult.  Finally close the door on my youth, and move on once and for all, while also letting go of everything that’s held me back. ♥ K


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