dear god: letter 1

I just finished reading the novel, Letters to God, and find it fitting to write my own letter…

Dear God,

It’s been so long since I’ve talked to you that I’m not sure how to begin.  It used to come so natural back in the day.  I always knew what to say to you, and looking back most of the things I talked to you about seem irrelevant.  All those boys I asked you to help me with, and I’m sure I asked you to help us win the lottery a few times per week.  It’s ironic because while I’m embarrassed about those ‘prayers’ from my past, I almost wish I was that naive and innocent again.  Or perhaps I was a little wiser back then to ask you for the more important things in life- for myself as well as others.

Now I’m pretty tired tonight so please excuse my rambling.  You’re probably wondering why I’m writing to you.  In all honesty I’m not sure myself.  Perhaps that’s why I am writing.  I feel a little lost and confused right now, which isn’t a complete rarity for me but this time seems a little different.  Rather than feeling down, I’m trying to figure out what I can do to make it better.  I know that this uncertainly is coming from my job right now and I’m not sure what to do about it.  The rational side of me is saying, “You have to bear with it.”  But I know with my whole heart that none of it makes me happy, and if anything it keeps getting worse.  I’m at the point right now where I know that leaving the position is the only solution.  But unfortunately it’s not an option.

While I can say a lot more about this and other components of this situation, I’ll keep it at this for now.  I guess I’m asking you to help me continue to find the strength within me.  Also, if there is in fact another option then please help me figure it out.  You know that I’m a believer in signs, but you have also witnessed that I’m not the best in following through with them.  (We’ll get to talking about that at another time.  Don’t you worry.)

Thank you.  

♥ K

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