grey street

On the train today, the song Grey Street by Dave Matthews Band popped into my head.  I was first introduced to this song during my first year of college at Kent State, which seems like ages ago.  All day long some of the lyrics have been  playing in my mind…

Oh look at how she listens; She says nothing of what she thinks.
She just goes stumbling through her memories; Staring out onto Grey Street.
And she thinks, hey.  How did I come to this?
I dreamed myself thousand times around the world; But I can’t get out of this place.
There’s an emptiness inside her; And she’d do anything to fill it in.
But all the colors mix together to grey, and it breaks her heart.

It’s ironic how years later this song still has special relevance with me whenever I hear it.  There’s an emptiness inside her… that still exists, even though I’ve experienced so much and feel more content with my life than in years past.  Isn’t it fascinating when one song can always have the same impact on you no matter where you are in your life?  I really don’t hear this song’s message as hopeless.  Instead I hear the realness in it.  It may be embracing the sadness that ‘she’ feels, but there’s still some hope and dream left in her.  There’s an emptiness inside of her now but she’s just looking for her way to feel what she’s always been hoping for: happiness.

I’m a dreamer.  Always have been, always will be.  However, over the years I have gained the strength to pursue some of my dreams and take chances.  Afterall, I’m writing this from Chicago- where I live.  Some days I wonder how I got here and how I’m still here.  Today was one of those days.

On the train I really thought about who I am and what I want out of life.  In class we’ve been discussing values and what’s most important to us.  Typically we spent more time on things we value the most…this got me thinking that I do not spend the majority of my time doing things that are important to me. 

How can I change this?  Actually I know how I can, but is it really practical?  My current job is what keeps me from doing what I want to be doing.  So then I quit and everything is better, right?  Maybe.  Probably.  But is it that simple?

An almost complete stranger once said something to me that still plays in my head.  He said, “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”  At the time I was caught off guard by Angelo’s comment.  Afterall I was only a twenty-year old sophomore in college, who was naive beyond belief and fairly sheltered.  But why did he say that?  Did he see something in me that I didn’t realize at the time.  Because looking back and knowing myself better now…he was right.  I was looking for something, even though I didn’t know it at the time. 

And here I am, still looking for something.  But now I have a better idea about what this may be. ♥ K

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