Today was a very long day, starting with a 5 am wake up call and leaving my apartment around 6:15 to go to work. Yes, 6:15 am and that is ridiculous. While today was an exception, I do typically leave my apartment around 6:45 every week day morning. Writing this I’m thinking, why am I doing this? Now I don’t feel sorry for myself at all, and I cannot complain because almost half of the residents of Chicago are doing the same thing as me.
I remember seeing this phrase one day a few months ago, coincidentally on one of the many days that I was thinking WTF am I doing here? You know that feeling went away for a few weeks/ months but it’s back now- in full force. Looking at this Love what you do. I hate to say it but I’m not doing anything that I love- maybe with the exception of my daily workouts, especially spinning class. In all seriousness, I’m not happy with how I spend most of my day nor where I am.
In beginning the unit on stress & wellness in my Human Relations class, one of the first paragraphs declared that stress can be minimized by adapting or changing the situation that is causing the stress. I immediately thought of work and how most, if not all, of my daily stress & anxiety would minimize if I wasn’t working there anymore. But for those of you who know me and my situation, you know that it’s not as easy as that.
Sometimes I cannot believe that I’ve been doing this for 15 months now, especially when some days I wake up and think, What the hell am I doing in Chicago? And how did I get here?
Again, I don’t regret coming here because I really have learned a lot, especially about myself, but I cannot help but wonder what’s really keeping me here. Am I still here for a reason?
Trust me, with this topic and the daily anxiety I feel from it, I’m remembering to breathe…A LOT.